Best Insulting words!

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!
6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing
7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!
11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
18. He has a mind like steel trap-always closed!
19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.
20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.

Dimana ada dua atau tiga orang berkumpul...

Seorang paderi muda bertanya kepada seorang paderi yang sudah lanjut usianya, kenapa ia kelihatan tak happy.
Fr.1: "Helo..Father. Kenapa nampak macam risau saja?
Fr.2: "Apa tidak risau! Sejak kebelakangan ini sifat beberapa umat membuat saya risau sekali."
Fr.1:"Kenapa pula?"
Fr.2:"Kau tau. Dulu biasanya "Dimana dua atau tiga orang berkumpul" memang jelas sekali kehadiran Tuhan ditengah-tengah mereka. Kerana mereka berkumpul untuk membaca Alkitab dan berdoa. Tetapi kini.......lain sudah! Mereka berjudi bah!

(Tidak baiklah berjudi terutama di masa ada Kematian.)

Money

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty -dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.
The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. Why? Because I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.."
"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church ."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

Pastor's mother

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps, "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired..
"No." he said..
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

Kentut?

Tiba-tiba ketenangan didalam Kelas Tadika dipecahkan dengan suatu "keharuman yang aneh" sekali. Lalu Guru kelas berlegar-legar didalam kelas ini kerana ingin tahu. Fikirnya jangan-jangan ada budak yang kentut nii. Ya! memang benar sangkaannya.
Cikgu: " Boboi! Kau kentutkah?"
Boboi: "Tidaklah......."
Cikgu: "Tapi...saya terhidu macam kau bau-bau nii."
Boboi:"Emmmmm....minta maaf cikgu saya tidak kentut. Saya NOKOSIRIT..."

(Nota. Nokosirit didalam bahasa Dusun bererti terkeluar tahi sikit-sikit. Biasanya gara-gara menahan kentut. He he he.)