Shhhhissss.....

Seorang pemburu sedang mengarah senapangnya kepada seekor rusa, dia dah bersedia untuk menembak tapi tiba-tiba talipin bimbitnya(HP) berdering....dering:
Pemburu: "Helllo..........shissssssssssssss......diam-diam...."
Rusa itu dah mula bergerak, dia cuba memetik senapangnya tapi....
Kawan:"Kenapa?...
Rusa terus berlari.....
Pemburu:"Celaka kau! Saya bilang diam-diam, tingu telepas sudah itu rusa!"
Kawan: "Manalah saya tau kau sedang memburu. Lain kali tutup bah itu HP!"

Peringatan: Lain kali kalau sedang buat sesuatu yang penting  tumpuhkan perhatian. Jangan terlalu asyik menjawap HP. Tutuplah itu HP terutama sekali bila membuat sesuatu yang penting sekali seperti semasa berada didalam Gereja dan ketika sedang memandu kereta.

Mati.

"Apa macam dia mati?"
"Putus nyawalah! Bodoh!
"Siapa yang tetak?"
"Kau nii.....memang betul-betul bodoh!

J.K.R

Ada orang kata JKR tuuu.....
Jangan Kerja Rajin
Jambatan Kena Runtuh
Jalanraya Kasi Rata(kerana tak rata).
Jemputlah Ke Rumah
Jangan Kacau Rina/Rita(Kekasihku bah!)
Jarang Kunci Rumah
Jeritan Kena Rasuk
Jasa Kepada Rakyat
Tapi....ia sebenarnya bermaksud Jabatan KerjaRaya.
Hehehehe....

Bah!

Bah....Jangan begitu bah!
Bah...saya jalan dulu kio...
Bah! Jangan main-main disini.
Bah...mari kita makan.
Bah! Pegi mandi!
Bah! Jangan lambat-lambat.
Bah! Bila kau mau bayar?
Bah....marilah kita pegi jakan-jalan.
Bah...cuba bah. Mau tau ngam.
Bah..tulung gia saya angkat ini barang-barang.
Bah! Cepat-cepat pulang!
Bah...pasang gia itu lampu.
Bah...padam itu lampu.
Bah! Jangan laju-laju.Bahaya!

Don't trust rich people-no matter how nice they seem

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

Why i never visit my rich friend.

Reasons why I never visit my rich friend:

Once visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and......

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda,

Tea,Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino,or Coffee?"

Answer: " Tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bush

tea, Iced tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, or fresh cream?

Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"

Answer: "With cow's milk please.

Question: " Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll just take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"

Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? "

Answer: "Mineral water."
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst ."

Saya NOKOS.....

Kelas Tadika Biru tiba-tiba ada bau-bau. Guru kelas mendekati si Boboi yang telah beberapa kali kedapatan kentut didalam kelas:

"Boboi, kau kentut lagi kah?"
"Tidak cikgu..."
"Tapi, kenapa kau macam bau-bau nii?"
"Saya tidak kentut cikgu. Saya NOKOSIRIT......Sori kio!"

(Nokosirit perkataan Dusun yang bererti ada tahi sikit terkeluar semasa terkentut!)

Kisah Si Ah Bian

Kisah pertama: Kenapa si Ah Bian pergi tingu wayang bersama denga 18 org kawannya? Sebab, di bawah 18 tidak dibenarkan masuk!

(Why did Ah Bian go to a movie with his 18 friends? Because below 18 not allowed! )

Kisah kedua: Si Ah Bian mau beli TV berwarna. Jadi dia pegi kedai lah.
Ah Bian: "Tokey, ada TV yang ada warnakah?
Tokey: "Ada!
Ah Bian:" Bah, kasi saya warna hijau ahh."

(Ah Bian wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Bian : "Tokey, Do you have color TV ?"
Tokey: "Yes !"
Ah Bian : "Give me a green one, please.)

Bunting!

Ray terjumpa kawan lamanya, Jon dan bertanya hal isterinya.

Ray: "Wah! Jon saya dengar bini kau, bunting sudah."
Jon: "Celaka! Kenapa kau cakap bini saya bunting?!"
Ray: "Bah, saya dengar-dengar gitulah. Betulkah itu?"
Jon:"Tidak! Bini saya hamil mah...."
Ray:"Samalah bah erti tu!"
Jon:"Tidak sama. Bunting tuu untuk binatang macam karabau atau sapi!"
Ray:"Bah...sorilah....."
Jon:"He he he...saya pahamlah bah maksud kau tii. Main-main mah..He he he."

(Nota: didalam perbualan, Marilah kita belajar menggunakan perkataan yang bagus dan betul bin NGAM!)

Menggatal.

Seorang anak bertanya kepada bapanya yang sedang mengikat tali kasutnya:"
"Pak, kau pegi mana?"
"Pegi Menggatal bah!"
"Aik! Masi menggatalkah? Nanti saya kasi tau mama!"

(Nota: Dalam perkahwinan memang ada godaan. Tapi, tabahkan hati dan jangan lupa berdoa.Mohon kekuatan daripada Tuhan. Kalau pergi ke pekan Menggatal, tidak ada apa-apa bah tuu. Jangan saya sampai sana asyik menggatal saja! Jagalah kemurnian perkahwinan.He he he...)

Dusun

Guru: "Boboi...Kau pandaikah cakap Bahasa Dusun?"
Boboi: "Pandai bah Cigu! Kalau ianya didalam Bahasa Malaysia."

(Nota: Bah! Kada lingai balajar tokoh gia doh boros doh Dusun kio..)

A tap on the driver

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,"Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a funeral car for the last 25 years."

Speak inglish not so good

There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and they lived in Honolulu . The poor lady was not very proficient English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy a leg of mutton. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with mutton legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store and asked her husband to..........................................................................................................................................
Hey! What are you thinking?! .....Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!

Kerabau

Diana: "Rita, laki saya kan bertambah berat badan sejak kami kahwin. Gemuk bah dia sekarang. Adakah cara kasi kurangkan berat badan cara kampung-kampung punya?"
Rita: "Ada bah tuu. Kamu ada kerabaukah?"
Diana: "Ada. Kenapa?
Rita:"Bah, kau suruh laki kau naik kerabau dan kasi lari itu kerabau kira-kira lima atau lapan kali pusing itu padang setiap hari. Bah, cubalah bilang sama dia. Nanti minggu depan kita jumpa lagi kio..."
(SELEPAS SEMINGGU)
Rita: "Diana, apa macam sekarang laki kau? Tambah hansemkah? Sudah kurus sikit-sikitkah?"
Diana"Huhhhhhhh! Bukan dia yang kurus.... Kerabau yang kurus!"(Ha!Ha ha ha...)

(Nota: Bah, rajin-rajinlah bersukan. Dan jangan talampau makan dan minum dengan pusas! Pandai-pandailah JAGA BADAN. Sayang-sayanglah itu badan. Nanti sakit-sakit sendiri juga yang sengsara. Dan bikin kasi susah orang lagi tuu! He he he...)