Tulis lah bah!

Di hospital seorang jururawat bertanya siapakah nama seorang tua yang hampir seluruh rambutnya putih.
Jururawat: "Pakcik, nama kau siapa? Saya mau tulis didalam kad ini."
Pakcik: "Bah, Tulis lah."
Jururawat: "Bah, mau tulis lah nii. Siapa nama pakcik?"
Pakcik: "Bah, Tulis lah."
Jururawat:"Pakcik, jangan main-main. Kasi tau nama pakcik" katanya dengan nada yang dah agak geram.
Pakcik:"Saya mana main-main! Nama saya Tulis bah! Kau tulis lah T-U-L-I-S"
Jururawat: "Oooo...nama pakcik TULIS. Ok, saya tulis TULIS. Maaf yaa..."
Pakcik: "Bah ngam lah tu!"

Eulogy

Death could be frighting but perhaps this words of George Carlin gives us some sort of consolations.

"I'm always relieved when someone delivers an eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."

(He he he....our turn will be coming too....Are you ready to meet the Creator of all human beings?)

Creative request

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..? One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!! Dear Bo$$,In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon. Your$ $incerely, Marian $hih

-------

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:Dear Marian, I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean. Yours truly, Manager

(Source:Bitta's Den)

R.T.M

John tiba-tiba terjumpa Mali, kawan lamanya yang baru saja bersara,"Apa kau buat sejak bersara?" Dengan nada yang relax kawannya menjawap,"Emmm...macam biasa aje. Asyik dengan RTM aje," "Maksud kau mendengar musik-musik dendangan RTM? " "Bukanlah...MAKAN, TIDUR & REHAT BAH!."
"OH begitu. Jangan marah ahhh? Ada juga orang kata RTM tuu REHAT TUNGGU MATI!"
"Ya kan! Maklumlah, makin tua bererti makin hampir kuburan bah kan.."

(Nota: Semua manusia akan mati. Bila? Tiada siapa yang tahu kecuali Tuhan. Tapi, baiklah bersedia untuk menghadapinya dengan pertobatan yang iklas dan mengamalkan cara hidup yang baik, betul, suci dan bebas daripada kejahatan.)

Kenapa yaa...?

Seorang pelajar memuji keindahan bilik kawanya yang dihias dengan baik termasuklah dua gambar yang sama besarnya. "Yang itu gambar ibubapa dan anjing-anjing kesayangan saya,"kata kawannya.
"Waaah...cantik dan cute lah."
"Yaa.....saya memang sayang dan rindu sekali dengan mereka. Tapi apa boleh buat! Mereka dah meninggal."
"Aih! Bila lagi ibubapa kau pergi?"

"Mereka masih hiduplah...Anjing-anjing yang dah RIP!"

(Soalan untuk renungan: Kenapa ya, kadang-kadang tuu seolah-oleh manusia lebih sayangkan binatang daripada manusia?)

Jokes for the day

Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'
(Warning: May provoke & produce negative reactions if
be used or spoken infront of your own husband!)

Importance of a period
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one,
my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'

Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?'
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!'

Anger management?
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush.'

Dark in here

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work . Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in the cupboard,
not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$1,000."
A few weeks later it happened again , and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again. Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots." The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?" The Boy says :"$5,000."
The Man says: "Fine, I will buy them."

A few days later, the boy's father say: "Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game." The Boy says: "I can't, I sold them for $ 6,000."
The boy's father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... $ 6,000 is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your "SINS." They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Priest says: "Don't start that again! THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE ! "

Kisah Telinga

Kisah Telinga...Johan dilahirkan tanpa kedua telinganya, tetapi walaupun cacat dia berjawatan tinggi di sebuah bank. Dia sangat marah kalu ada orang yang mempersoalkan tentang telinga.Satu hari dia mahu mengambil kerani baru dan tiga orang disenarai pendek untuk sesi temuduga. Calon pertama seorang lelaki yang mempunyai penampilan yang baik.Di akhir temuduga, Johan bertanya satu soalankepada lelaki itu."Awak nampak tak sesuatu yang ganjil pada saya?"."Ya, tapi minta maaf kalau saya kata tuan tak ada telinga, macam ayam" jawab lelaki itu dengan jujur.Merasa terhina dengan jawapan itu, Johan mengusirnya keluar dari pejabat.Calon kedua ialah seorang perempuan yang berpengalaman bekerja di bank hampir 5 tahun. Dia lebih baik dari calon pertama tadi. Di akhir sesi temuduga, Johan bertanya soalan yang sama ditanya pada calon pertama."Awak nampak tak sesuatu yang ganjil pada saya?"."Ya ...saya heran bagaimana tuan boleh mendengar saya dengan baik, sedangkan tuan duduk jauh dari saya" puji perempuan itu.Sebaik mendengar jawapan dari perempuan itu, Johan berang dan menghalaunya keluar. Calon terakhir adalah yang terbaik, walaupun masih muda dia telah bekerja lebih 8 tahun di bank.Selain bijak dia juga tampan dan bergaya.Seperti calon terdahulu Johan bertanya soalan serupa."Awak nampak tak sesuatu yang ganjil pada saya?""Ya. Awak pakai contact lens," jawab pemuda itu menahan perasannya dari tergelak.Walaupun terkejut, Johan gembira dengan jawapan pemuda itu. Dia hairan kerana pemuda itu sangat teliti dan dapat melihatnya memakai contact lens walaupun mereka duduk agak jauh."Bagaimana awak tahu" tanya Johan lagi.Pemuda itu tidak dapat lagi menahan gelihatinya lalu ketawa besar hingga jatuh terguling-guling sambil berkata,"Dah tentu tuan tak boleh pakai cermin mata sebab tuan tak ada telinga, nak sangkut kat mana".
Huargh! Huargh! Huargh! Huargh!